


Forever Missing Him

by phanspn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x23 spoilers, All Along the Watchtower - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, I fixed it, M/M, finale rewrite, not really - Freeform, super sad tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 12:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11231085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanspn/pseuds/phanspn
Summary: "And if you're in love, then you're the lucky ones. 'cause most of us are bitter over someone"





	Forever Missing Him

The first time Dean saw Castiel, sparks flew.

"Who are you?"

"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."

"Yeah. Thanks for that."

Dean reared back and plunged his blade into Castiel's chest. Castiel looked down, unconcerned, and pulled it out, dropping it to the floor. Behind him, Bobby attacked; without looking, Castiel grabbed Bobby's weapon and used it to swing him around. Castiel touched Bobby's forehead with fingertips and Bobby crumpled to the ground.

"We need to talk, Dean. Alone."

"Who are you?" He'd asked.

"Castiel." The man replied, stepping closer.

"Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?"

"I'm an Angel of the Lord."

It had been too dark to get a good look at them before, but his eyes were seriously blue. Almost sickeningly so - full on Prince Charming, field of cornflower, perfect, cloudless sky blue. Someone should've name a crayon after the guy. They sparkled like storm clouds right before lightning hit. Clouds of grey and blue threatened floods and fury while pupils dilated in passion, eyelashes catching the sparks that fluttered throughout the room.

"Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing." He said after a moment.

"This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith."

Lightning flashed outside, and on Castiel's back, great shadowy wings appeared, stretching off into the distance. They were magnificent things, though Dean would never admit it. They were the colour of absolute midnight, and sparkled like a smattering of luminous stars over an inky, black galaxy.

The light went out, and the image disappeared.

"Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes." Dean scoffed, not even giving himself a moment to be amazed.

"I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans; and so can my real voice. But- you already knew that."

"You mean the gas station and the motel. That was you- talking?" The Angel nodded.

"Buddy, next time, lower the volume." Castiel furrowed his brow a little at the nickname.

"That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong and... I apologise."

"And what visage are you in now, huh?" Dean raised an eyebrow, "What, holy tax accountant?"

"This?" Castiel said, looking over the body he inhabited and running his hands over the tan trench-coat belonging to his vessel, Jimmy Novak. "This is... a vessel."

Dean gave the shorter man a disgusted look. "You're possessing some poor bastard?"

"He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this." Castiel sighed, earning nothing but a glare from the eldest Winchester.

"Well, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?" Dean inquired.

Castiel frowned.

"I told you."

"Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?" Dean asked, so close to Castiel's face that they were almost touching.

"Good things do happen, Dean." Castiel consoled, and Dean scoffed.

"Not in my experience."

"What's the matter?" The Angel questioned. "Hm- _you don't think you deserve to be saved_."

"Why'd you do it?" Dean quickly changed the subject, disregarding Castiel's comment.

"Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you."

The last time Dean saw Castiel, there was darkness.

"Cas?"

Dean dropped to the ground.

The grief surged with every expelled breath, always reaching higher peaks, never sufficiently soothed by his long intakes of the damp air. His gaze fell from bloom to bloom. In that moment the sure knowledge that life would go on without Cas, that time was only stopped for Dean, undid him completely. All pretence of quiet coping was lost as he sank further onto the ground. His fingers clasped Castiel's trench coat like it was the only link left to the Angel's life, like if he pulled hard enough, he would come back home.

Death wasn't kind. Dean knew that. It snatched where it could, taking people who were far too innocent, far too good. It didn't pretend to care, it didn't pretend to distinguish.

The hooded vale of death had hung over the world for a long time, always threatening. It had touched Dean so close, so many times. Castiel too- and he'd always come back. Time and time again death had gripped the Angel and he had returned without a doubt. Death had ripped away parts of him, the parts of him that was most loved.

Somehow Dean knew that Castiel wasn't coming back this time.

He refused to look away, even as his lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. His dark lashes brimmed heavy with tears; his hands clenched into shaking fists, in a desperate battle against the grief. A lone tear traced down his cheek, and just like that, the floodgates opened. He wept, tears streaming from his deep green eyes, loud, heaving sobs tearing from his throat, and still he did not look away. Not until the sobs drove him to his knees did his determined gaze fall.

"Please don't leave me." He sobbed desperately. "Cas."

"Don't- Cas I didn't, I d-didn't tell you."

"I never told you."

_From the perfect start, to the finish line._

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics from Youth by Daughter- hope you enjoyed!


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